Yew….! You again, SAM!

Haiz, dunno why there are many October babies around. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th, 11th, 12th, 13th, 15th, 17th, 24th…. Argh!!!!! Crazy liao!!!!! I know lar, this must be because the parents believe October babies are smart, muahahha…

Well, seriously there are really many uni friends’ birthdaes fall in October. It is a headache to actually think of how to organise birthday plans. Luckily I do not organise for all, hehe… However I have been a generous giver as I share some of the presents, hahaha…

For my birthday, their plan was to make me emo lar, pretend to forget my bdae then treat me a $0.50 McD ice-cream! Somemore each person contributes 10 cents only! Like this oso can, haha.. but not bad lar, just interesting. Got a shock from my OG freshies, they were really good in acting! Haha… I was shocked and touched at the same time! Hahaha… Thanks Thanks… I din really expect for a celebration at that time..

For my friend, Kee Jin’s, birthday, since the emo trick was used, I decided to give him some small small little presents before giving him the real thing. So we bought key and lock, some motivational cards, paper clips and printed out a budget template from my church website. The key is the symbol of becoming an adult d, and the lock was meant for his future wife.. Remember the ‘Key and Lock Mechanism’ which we have learnt in Biology? Yes, it is symbolic to say that they are meant for each other. There is another underlying joke, hahaha, which I have seen it from a sex education video. How the key and lock are linked to sex education, this one I let you all to go imagine or research, hahaa….

The motivational cards are for him to keep, one of them is full of loves, to represent the love from all the cell group members to him. The paper clips is to say that though now he is 21 years old, he still has to study. Whereas for the budget is to say that he now has to be responsible for his own financial management.

All these presents were just symbolic items. The actual present was given during the celebration itself. So we wrapped it in light pink barbie wrapper, wanted to kacau him a bit, haha, cz so not appropriate. And when he looked at the New Balance box, he was delighted! Just that when he opened the box and saw Adrian’s old smelly shoes, he was super stunned. Hahaha!!!!! And we were telling him we were short of budget, that’s why giving him this. Luckily Kee Jin wasn’t too stupid either, for he just couldn’t believe this happenning to him, so we showed him the real ones! Wow, New Balance shoes le!!!!! Yeng liao lor… Hahahha…

So ya, it was quite fun. Soon my life returns to the usual one and now though exam is coming soon I am still slacking around. And I have projects and assignments and activities, argh… die liao… hahhaha….

Anyways hopefully I can face the future challenges as a strong person lar… ya…

It’s time to do some recollection of what I have done and gone through, haha…

Well, liked a guy and not really like the guy now. hahaha…. aiya, very confusing lar… and complicated oso… anyways, we r friends… never mind the things tt happened and made me fall deeper into the trap, sometimes things happen for the good in the future. At least God really protects my heart lar… just tt I need to get out completely, right now I am not in a safe state, ahaha… This guy better go and get a super nice gf lar, or I find another one, muahaha… then it marks an end to this chapter of life.

I don’t see this chapter of my life as something shouldn’t have happened. Cz many other things happen as consequences of this thing.

Anyways, I am in City Harvest Church now. Joining a cell group full of Malaysians in NTU. We always meet up with one another, just like wat my leader wishes to see, a small family under CHC, a family in Christ. Haha, kind of like this kind of feeling… it becomes more evident when the freshies come in and join us le..

I joined Freshmen Orientation Camp of MSA one too. As an assistant group leader, hahaha…. Then got to know many many juniors, especially my group one - KOKU!!!!! hahaha…. It just came to a moment when I sort of take the ownership of having koku juniors as my personal juniors le, hahaha… How much I adore them, so cute, so supportive, so wonderful!!!! Itz jz so great to see them bonded, haha…

Having a new group of juniors then leads me to miss my AC juniors! Hahaha…. I oso like them a lot lar… They are sooo energetic! Sooo spontaneous!!!! hahhaha…. Helpful oso!!! I still miss the time when the guy juniors like to kacau me, and when I like to pat about their stuffs, and when we are having gals’ talk!!!!! Hahaha….

But during the holidays I fell sick. It was since the beginning of July. I guess I slept even less when I had a work attachment, resulting in this serious sickness. Well, my lifestyle is not a healthy one, so can’t blame anyone, hahaha…. can only blame myself..

And it was so sien… bcz I was sick and it got worse after Senior Camp, during FOC I can’t be as energetic as always. Itz kinda sien when you know tt ur energy can influence ur grp’s energetic level and yet ur energy level can’t be high due to the sickness.

Of cz after the camp my sickness got even worse lar, haha… Lost my voice until my voice right now has changed a bit from last time. And I got so frustrated until I had to cry for the whole afternoon to release… That time I felt nobody really cared for me, so I felt very stressed, hahaha… First time got stressed not bcz of sch work. You know when you are sick, you really feel like to be a kid again, when daddy and mummy will be so worried and keep on checking your condition, asking if you are alright. Ahh, all the caring is just sooo comforting… This is just something I have gotta face when staying out alone in a foreign land lar..

Wells, now I have recovered though my lifestyle has never improved at all. Haha… I have another senior coming here to study under exchange program! But sadly both of them are gonna leave this Dec… most likely itz gonna be this case.. Itz funny to see these 2 good friends together, cz one will tease another like mad, hahaha… So much fun things to share!

I do love this opportunity to catch up with them. Itz like so rare! So must cherish the time! And must make their stay a super memorable one! After all, this is the warmth which they can get here but not anywhere else! Hahahaa… Sometimes I’m too passionate ppl think u like them ar? Haha, who ask the seniors who come here r both guys.. Then… if they are both gals, will ppl think I am lesbian?… hahahaha…. funny thoughts to think abt! XP

Ahh… I organised Merdeka Night, haha, as a Vice-Chair.. The night was a success lar, cz ppl had fun. And the crowd were just super duper high lar.. which is a good thing lar… Thank God for this! Though during the process many things unhappy things happened, I guess itz not bcz the ppl’s fault lar.. Jz that we all need to understand that this is a voluntary event, ppl have no time and ppl generally put their studies and ECAs above this event…  At least it was a success!!!! Hahahahaha….

At the same time, I am sort of the ‘bdae coordinator’ of my cell group. Which means I have to organise bdaes lar… Haha, itz fun sometimes to organise, but when I got brain drained then cham le… no idea is a bad thing, hahaha….. Anyways I am gonna plan a super good one at least, hahahha…. cz last yr planned a good one d mar, this yr shld have one oso, lol…

A lot of things to do ar… My major, actuarial sci causes my brain to ‘exercise’ a lot.. gotta serve cell grp, gotta reach out, gotta do ECA stuff… faint jor faint jor… hahaha….

After all these happening incidents, I feel that it reaches a time to close this chapter. I am moving on to a new chapter of my life. I wonder what will happen to me. Will it be as happening as this chapter? Will I get myself happy and cry as intense as this yr? Who are the ppl gonna cross my path and drop some memories in it? Will there be a breakthrough in certain aspects of my life? Like spiritual life, career, friendship, be it new ones or old ones, family, relationship etc etc….

One thing for sure. I am gonna get baptised soon!!!! On 2 Nov, hhaha… I din know I can get baptised so early, actually itz jz a yr earlier lar, hahaha… I always tot my dad will not give me permission so easily one. But then after a talk with him, I feel that I can get permission le, and indeed I got!!!! Hahaha, praise the Lord! Actually the process of him accepting me converted as a Christian is not too bad after all! Nvm the objection and upset moments.. It turns out that our relationship grows deeper and now I can get baptised!!!! Hahahaha….

And it marks a new chapter in my journey with God. It has been great growing with Jesus in my life. It has been great to let Him participate every moment of my life, especially in relationship matters. Jz feel very strengthened by Him in every moments of sadness and stress, haha… Love ya my Father in the heaven and my father on earth!!!!!

Wow… today.. I got a dream, a, erm…., dunno-how-to-describe-dream…

Well, I am not a person who has dreams always. I am a person who sleeps all the way. Having dreams once in a while but then after that forget them anyways..

Hmm… hha, a bit paise to say this… I actually, dreamt, that, I am having relationship with one of my friends…. WAH!!!!!! Xia Dao Gao Gao lar!!!! Though this friend of mine is quite good looking lar.. at least to me…

But then again, it is a dream.. So far away from reality.

Tell u a secret… *shy…* I am actually tempted, haha… to maybe go out with non-Christians… Haiz, actually I hope to have Christian boyfriend since this will reduce the risk of quarreling over my dear Father in heaven.. But from time to time, tempted again and again…

At least the guy whom I dreamt of is good looking, enough to make me happy liao, hahaha…. Omg, I am so superficial, wahaha… So feel like going back and dreaming of him again… Oopz..! hahahha…. study lar gal!!!!!

Hi everyone, this is like my first post since dunno when, hahahaha…

Actually, it is just since March I guess..

Many things have happened, I have been busy.. Many things have been in my mind until I kind of lazy to put them into words.

Ya, this is the word. LAZY.

I am a lazy person to update about myself. Though I may think of wat happen during the days, when asking me to write it down… arr… lazy lar… Today is the last day b4 my sem break.. so ya… decided to come here n lepak. hahaha…

Well, had been sick for very long. In fact, my voice is somewhat damaged.. oopz… It has changed, lol… Beeen through senior camp, freshmen orientation camp, merdeka night. Cracking my heads to think of how to celebrate friends’ bdaes.. (There are freaking lots of bdaes!) Doing my beloved maths… Going around to build friendship….

Gonna be baptised soon!! haha… Well, my relationship with God… haha… has changed. It is different but dunno why I miss the good old days.

Anyways, just missing some funny moments with friends b4 uni. Though in uni there are some, still… miss my roommies n juniors lar…

It is a roller coaster. Sometimes I dunno whether it is good to do certain things. Sometimes I am just caught in the middle… I go nowhere… stuck… Maybe I just gotta wait for it to go out from the mess.. I gotta wait…

为什么以前我没注意到你?

那又为什么现在我注意到你?

如果像从前那样不是很好吗?

脑海里就不会常常想念你

心情也不会因为你而起伏不定

I feel like singing, I feel like dancing, I feel like doing some other things to divert my attention.

I just hope that I stop thinking so much

Things aren’t the same anymore

People change

And I fear of certain change

Lord, may You just pull me through. May you protect my heart.

I know You want me to be happy. I just know that.

1 Cor 13:4-8 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believe all things, hopes all things, endure all things. Love never fails.

This is the love You have given me.

In these few days, I have been busy. I have been spending lotsa time understanding employee engagement and 2 paintings in order to do my essays. However, everytime when I wanted to write, I have nothing in my head.

As I have been busy I have been feeling tired as well. Yesterday when my juniors got their results for their A levels, I was super high until at night. Yet, I was so on to go for a supper. This resulted in lack of sleep for today’s activity: NTU Open House.

Today is a killer also. I have been walking up and down. However, I have a great bunch of collegues for they are so fun to be with. There are definitely many stories to tell for these two days.

The time we spend with friends is definitely memorable. Being togather with my juniors definitely bring back lotsa funny memories. Even when we have not seen one another for long, the feeling when we are together is still the same. Especially when my juniors said,

“Why you wanna come here? No one wants to go NTU one!” (I went back AC to promote NTU)

“Fatso, you come here for wat?”

“Hey, you still owe me a meal……ok?”

“Samantha, you are very auspicious. Because you have 38, 33, 38.”

Ya, all these things that my cheeky juniors have said to me tell me that they are still the same. Of course, I am still happy when I am bullied by my guy juniors, my gal juniors will stand up for me, haha. This chance to meet these kinds of people is too rare. Just want to hope that the relationship will not end.

I have been tired also because there is one thing keeps occupying my mind. Day and night. It is just too powerful for me to not let me have a good night sleep. I wanna keep praying about it…

I  have always been using narcist, or narcissism, words like that. What I never know is that Narcissus is part of the Greek mythology.

Interesting.. Haha.. In the mythology, Narcissus fell in love with his own reflection, i.e. fell in love with himself. As he can’t get what he loved, he then died and became a flower.

There are many versions of his story. One of it is Narcissus dived into the water in order to get closer to what he loved, he drowned himself. After he died, the lake into which he dived, turned into a salty lake.

"Why do you weep?" the goddesses asked. "I weep for Narcissus" the lake replied. "I am surprised that you weep for Narcissus," she said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you were the only one that could contemplate his beauty close at hand." "But… was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked. – “You do not know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt every day to contemplate himself!"

The lake was silent for some time. Finally, it said: "I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

What the lake said touched my heart. A lot of times, when other people praise us, or see the good in us, we will treat them better. That’s why sometimes if we want to engage a person in a conversation, it is good to sort of praise the person, or say things that the person likes. In a way, we all like ourselves. When we see the beauty in us, we feel happy. But we are insecure, that’s why we need praises.

I wish other than looking my reflection from this person’s eyes, I can see more than that. Can I?

Ok, when there is someone tells you that you can get 2 free tickets for movie P.S. I Love You by just paying 5 bucks for a magazine, what do you do?

Me, of course buy the magazine lar! Free movie tickets, who don’t want? Hahaha…. So cheapskate… =P

So ya, I had 2 free movie tickets and I asked for people accompanying me to go via MSN. Hee, though there was a little problem during the process, I still got a friend to teman me watching movie! Glad! Hee..

Actually, initially I have been wanting to watch. Heard that this is a nice movie. Read its short synopsis also, it seems not bad. It talks about how a super loving husband guides his wife to get over the grief of him being passed away.

After watching the movie, OMG, it was super good! I was touched, deeply. It was so touching that I can’t help feeling want to cry. He is soooo sweet!!! I doubt there will be guys like him existing in this world though I hope to have someone like him.

He knows his wife well soo much. He knows how to make her laugh, he knows how to coax her, he knows how to persuade her… Awww…. I want this guy, haha.. He knows that he is going to die soon and he plans ahead! He knows that she does not plan much, so he plans for her. He knows how is she going to feel when he is not there anymore…

There are many many letters he has written to her. Each one ends with P.S. I Love You. When he is sick, he still thinks of her soo much that he plans for her and writes letters. How touching…

The first message of his asks her to go enjoy on her 30th birthday. She still senses his presence even he has long passed away. She is in such a mess before receiving the surprising present from him. After that she starts receiving letters. In many different ways. Isn’t he very romantic? He is so enthusiastic to give her many surprises when he cannot be there for her. But he is supposed to be reaching the end of his life..

Everytime he asks her to do something, memories of him comes. It is the most touching when she is in his home. He tells her about their first meeting, how funny it is and how much he has been attracted to her by then. It is indeed very funny, and it is also very sweet for him to remember the details. But after all the sweet memories, the fact that he is not there anymore is grieving. Haiz…

The switch of funny to sad is too much. How can sadness come in so fast after the happiness? Every sweet memories just aggravate the sadness. Like initially you thought you were in the top of the world, then suddenly, you are at the bottom of all else.

Still, for a movie to be able to influence your emotions, I guess it is well-made enough. Hah, probably you would say I am too sentimental d.. =)

What is the end of the story? Haha, go and watch yourselves! There are many things to lookout for too! Not only the love of husband, there is also love of best friends and family. Funny conversations would definitely make you enjoy the whole journey.

It is a good deal I have never expected for. Thank God for it, haha…

有时候，蛮讨厌脑海里一直有同样的东西浮现。感觉上好像自己很得空，整天想东想西。其实, 我的功课很多啊，为什么我不要想功课呢？

其实，我怕感到失望。我怕想多了，什么事也不会发生。到时候，就懊悔干嘛花这么多时间在想这件事。简直在浪费时间。

唉呀，总之就不想为任何东西感到烦恼了！

Hey! This is another post after soo long.. Hee..

There have been many things happened to me. Mainly these things affect me emotionally. It was so hard to face it but with God’s grace, I am still sane today.

There are many many temptations. I have been thinking have I not been so firm on my principles, what would happen to me today. I have been tempted to feel regret of doing things that I should do for God. I don’t deny until now I still feel the temptations, especially when my memories flooding into my mind.

Somehow it is not so easy to tell ppl of my struggle. Perhaps I am shy to tell. Or perhaps I just want to protect my heart, can’t really afford to let it be hurt very hard again. However, for certain things, it’s like if u never fall/fail, u will never succeed. Still, I am very protective of my feelings. I don’t want to show the most inner, the most true emotions. Sometimes it is not holy. Sometimes it is not consistent to my principles, values and persanality.

But if I don’t tell, no one would know. Only God knows.

i was complaining, "Lord, this is too hard. This is just too hard for me to accept. Are you testing me? Why does it have to be so hard?… Please lead me Lord.. I feel miserable, please lead me Lord.."

Then I read a book talking abt the pursuit of holiness. Sometimes, we just have to have faith. Since Lord is holy, he knows what is correct, what is wrong. We just need to work hard to be like Him, other things are secondary. The path that I am walking on is correct as long as I am obedient to Him. Anything we go through, He knows.

2 Cor 6:14 Do not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

I have to obey.