Yew….! You again, SAM!

Hari ini saya nak tulis dalam bahasa melayu….Hanya saya yang begitu gila hingga nak tulis blog dalam bahasa melayu. Jadi. maafkan saya jika kamu tak faham blog saya…boleh tanya orang lain untuk menterjemahkannya kepada kamu.

Tapi….saya nak cakap yang bukan bukan tentang kawan saya, iaitu Andy….Saya tahu apabila Andy lihat namanya dia akan berfikir saya akan cakap yang bukan bukan tentangnya. Andy akan cari orang yang faham untuk menjelaskan isi blog ini kepadanya. Jadi, saya tak akan tulis apa-apa lain daripada dia adalah seorang yang tak pandai, hahaha….Jk jk…..

Sebagai seorang Malaysian saya takut saya akan lupa akan bahasa…..Nasib baiknya saya masih boleh tulis blog dengan perkataan yang senang faham… Haha….Bahasa saya sangat teruk punya, saya tak tahu banyak kata bunga untuk menarikkan karangan saya….Ayah saya juga tak percaya saya dapat A1 untuk Bahasa Melayu…Teruk sia…mana boleh tak percaya kebolehan anak perempuannya yang begitu pandai sangat??? Haha…..sekarang menjadi sombong sia…..Saya hanya bergurau sahaja….Haha…

Hmm…..abang, faham apa yang saya cakap??? Haha….mungkin kamu juga boleh tulis satu blog dalam bahasa melayu untuk dibaca oleh kawan kamu yang majoriti tak faham bahasa…haha…. Mungkin kamu boleh tulis bolg jika kamu berasa sangat bosan, ada terlalu banyak masa lapang….haha..

Tak tahu nak tulis apa lagi….Saya ada satu blog lain daripada frindster ini…. www.samantha-junnie.blogspot.com pergi baca ya!! Kawan saya buat punya… (My friend design one…duno how to write ‘design’ in malay…paise….:-)) Jangan bimbang saya juga akan tulis blog di sini…mungkin lain kali saya akan tulis dalam bahasa mandarin supaya Andy tak akan faham benda yang saya tulis juga…… MUAHAHAHAHA……….

Ok….kalau bahasa saya sangat teruk jangan beritahu saya, tahu? Nanti saya akan berasa sedih sangat, haha…..Tapi kalau kamu nak puji saya saya akan berasa gembira…haha…..(The end of my craps)…..

Oh no….My secret is no longer a secret…..*sob* *sob*…Haha…

Yeah lah although I did put on blog which meant for people to read, the thing just does not turn out to be what I want….I put on blog juz to let my friends to noe what happen to me though I am not with them….But…arghhhhh……..

Somebody noes the secret, this scare me a lot, somemore got a lot of people whom i dun intended to tell….Wah….very SCARY!!!!!! It all bcz of a stupid guy, nvr seen a man can be so busybody as him…! Now I duno how to handle the situation already….Avoid myself? Seems not a good idea…My friens all said act like normal lah, I said I was very scared, how to act like normal??? Almost die, u noe…haha….( People who noe diam diam, ok? Dun nid to tell other people who duno, ok? Esp u, my dearest frien’s bf…!)

Besides that, I oso feel very stressed bcz of the term exam…It’s jz a term exam! Y so scare? Haha…..I seem very siao cz I nvr have an exam until so stressed that I do not feeling well..feeling depress oso, wanna cry, esp after I realise that I hav a vr vr big prob…..Mayb I expect too much on my own….I wanna to be the same as my bro, he did phy and chem ’s’ paper for A levels…Not bcz I want to win him but bcz it is to make my life easier. If u hav 6 distinctions, u can easily get scholarship…That’s y I wanna be vr vr diligent to achieve my target…and bcom vr stressed now….

Today got phy and Fmath papers and yesterday I din finish study, I was vr worried….my heart was pumping vigorously without stopping….Hah! Finally o over already!! Relieved a bit cz the 2 diff papers were over…Yesterday I drank one cup of coffee, juz to do something else other than mugging and I din realise that it was so powerful that I counldnt sleep well!!! Mayb I oso worried about too much things, I kept thinking o the probs I have and tried to find a solution…but of cz nothing gd came up in my mind…

Now got a new prob, my dear frien, feels sad cz her friens r going to leave her to get a better education in other countries…Mayb she thinks she’s going to be left alone..But no! U still got friens here, though not as dear as your old frien, relationship can bcm better when tm goes…..U r not alone in this world. Even if u feel so, that’s only for a period of time, not for entire life! God is not going to be so bad to u rite?? U’ll grow stronger, believe me. Can read lik jin’s 1st blog, vr inspiring, vr gd, I like it.

Hmm…..I got sth vr contradicting here…I owes say be strong, be strong, but sometimes I find it’s vr tiring to be strong o the tm…Sometimes I would like to hug someone so that I feel secure but I find no one…so sad….Sometimes I can suddenly feel vr sad…Like yesterday, I duno what happen to me…too stressed?…too scared of the situation that I duno how to handle?…. I watched tv from 3.00pm to 4.30pm. The 1st half hour the serial drama was vr nice but the songs r sad…I enjoyed it, u noe, cz I wanna cry but still couldnt. Then was the Japanese serial drama. The scriptwritter vr gd, the lines for the male lead actor were vr inspiring, they touched my heart deeply and finally I cried bcz of them.. My tears was pathetically little, I got no tears vr soon…M I strong? I duno…. It’s vr tiring…if only I can feel secured….. Mayb too used to handle things alone… But wait, I am quite dependent oso….I owes manja to my brother de…. But now I cant do so vr often….Haha….that’s y I like to manja…..But some people dun like people who manja a lot…

I think I am vr heartless….Until now I din cry bcz my dear friens are leaving to the other countries, neither did I when I left my parents in M’sia and study here… Feel happy instead cz freedom alas! Heartless rite? No wonder my father owes complain that I m too outgoing….But I am independent ma…So used to handle things by myself, alone….My friens r leaving, I feel nothing, think that that is part of their life, jz wanna wish them to take care in their whole life…I feel that dun nid to be vr sad, when people are fated to leave, they will leave, cry oso no use…..shit…I am vr heartless….

Today dunno y I feel down….Suddenly feel that I am very useless….Haha….

My friend said she can’t feel worried that she may lost people that she loves and…

Suddenly I have this thought…..If I leave, is there anybody will feel sad? Yeah, my family mayb…..But I just cant help feeling lonely….

And then I think, mayb bcz I am not someone that will feel sad bcz somebody is leaving….I dunno, I jz havent felt that way b4…Mayb I dun dare to give out my love to other people….duno lah, scared being hurt by people..I am a scary cat… Haha…..

And now I am oso very confused by my feelings….That’s how it goes…

I noe I said that I have a crush…but there is another guy whom I think I feel comfortable whenever I am with…At first we are quite ok but duno somehow something is wrong, so how…? I noe I am quite hua xin but I am reali confused, I duno what to do…duno how to face him..and duno how to face people around me…..

Duno lah……………………………………………………………………………

Hen fan a…………………………………………………………………………..

Haha….today is andy’s birthday, my good friend’s dear dear….

This is the first time I celebrate his birthday with his gang of friends, haha..

Quite fun!!!! There r 4 nations altogether, 4 Indonesians, 2 Malaysian, 2 Singaporeans and lastly he is the one and only Vietnamese!!!!

He and a singaporean got dunked into the swimming pool!!!! Haha…. Andy got dunked twice, seems tt he got a lot of enemies….Hahahaha…..

He is oso very kelian coz his dear dear, which is my yen nee pakat with me so that we speak only Mandarin which he cannot understd….But…But….

He’s WICKED!!!!! He knew my secret!!!! He says wait till he speaks Vietnamese language to the guy I like……!

Oh yeah, I have rebonded my hair…..which means….I becom prettier! Wuahahahaha……If got chance then I’ll upload a photo with my new look!!!

Still got a lot haven’t finish revising yet….*crying*….

Wahahaha……. I finally returned to my old school le!!!!!! That’s my secondary school. It is really old lor but I realised that it is trying to look ‘younger’ le… The school canteen looks nicer, toilets oso…but still cannot flush 1…..Never mind, it can be better…haha… Aha! The food hor, very expensive leh!!! Makan duit 1 lah…

I wanted to crash my father’s lower six class but my father reali dun understand me,,,,he forbede me to enter….Sigh…Anyway, I had seen my friends, so no regrets. Wow, the form six classes are big, 60 in one class in average and there are students trying to come in somemore…

Very happy to see my friends there, I got very excited lor….Seen some of my teachers oso….I went for the assembly oso, oh yes malay…I have forgotten most of it…haha..

I played volleyball, my favourite!!! Yeah!!!! The juniors are good, they have good foundation in playing. Very shiok! hahaha… Good oso bcz I didn’t exercise for two weeks and I kept eating leh…..Gain weight liao…haha..

Well….I have a crush now…

This is bad…because I should not have crush, I got to study leh…But somehow I got the feeling to him…

I do not have his phone number and my friend said why you never ask him??

Ai yo, I am shy ma….I do not dare to do that lah…and my friend was shock. He said I thought you are the kind of girl who will tell the guy straightforwardly… Well, I am not…

My another friend said she thought I like a wrong guy because he is super busy. Not talkative also and I bet he always mugging…He is a scholar, damn smart, really give me a big shock..Suddenly feel I am very stupid compared to him…. sad lah. He is also mature. Good-looking too!!! Maybe I really like a mature guy ba…..He is a Vietnamese….

Ahh….how?

Aiyo…..I am not a good blogger bcz I din update my blog very often…..

Anyway, today I think I have quite a lot to say, haha….talkative ma….

Three days ago, my friend who I owes thought is my good friend said that I am too talkative, talk too much crap, hurt people feeling without knowing and too kay po…..until a lot of people dislike me, hostel people, classmate…….The thing that hurt me the most was that she thought that if she doesn’t talk to me, she feel very peace……Arghh……

Maybe my characters are truly like that bcz in secondary school, my used-to-be friend told me the same thing and I admitted that it’s really my fault for not thinking for the other people, so I had changed, I had improved myself…Yet, I still receive that kind of feedback..

Maybe it’s the good point of my friend to point out my weaknesses but I duno y I do not feel that….I owes think that, between two good friends, they can actually open up their heart. Of course evryone has weaknesses but good friends can bear with them. They will point them out without hurting anybody’s feeling bcz they know each other so well that they know what kind of techniques to use when they confront to each other. She hurt me, I think she really doesn’t know my character…I feel very happy when I am talking..If I don’t talk much, it means that I am unhappy or sleepy…or, I don’t like to talk to the person…

After she had told me these, I felt sad and depress…I kept recalling what kind of behaviour my friend had when they were with me…N what frightened me was I kept imagine all my friends were just pretending to be friendly in front of me….I began to dislike them bcz I thought since you do not like me, y shld I like you…. N I realized those were wrong immediately, so I afraid I will eventually become a bad person. So I asked some of my friends, whom I trusted the most among the people I know, whether I was irritating and had those weaknesses my other friend had pointed out. Well, the feedbacks are not bad, at least I would not feel very sad then…..N one thing that surprised me was, she told me she was not sure whether my classmates, or rather schoolmates dislike me as well, I checked this out with my classmates, the fact turned out to be the other way…I am not very dislikable…

Ah….I owes heard people say, be yourself, dun care other people’s comments. You are living not bcz of them. If you feel happy, contented with yourself now, think that you did not do anything wrong, just dun bother about it. You can’t expect the whole world to like you, of course there are people who do not like you….

But…why the friend that I close to doesn’t understand me? I know we have a lot of differences in our personalities and we did not open up our heart when we are chatting. Most of the time we dun agree with each other’s opinion. Hence, I did not talk much to her also (and yet she thinks I am very noisy, fine..). Sigh….