Yew….! You again, SAM!

Have been so long I din post any post… Kind of unwilling to post new post bcz..suddenly feel a bit weird…

Friend, I am going to talk about God, so if u r not comfortable with it, dun read it. heehee…

"I kissed dating goodbye" is a christian book which talks about relationship. Only after I have read this book, I realise that I have wrong idea on relationship.

I am going to talk about my secondary school life. This need courage. *Take a deep breath and sigh*. When I was in secondary school, maybe my look was reali "bad" that the guys were teasing me for being ugly. I was immature, therefore I had a wish to make myself look good. N I got this perception that if you look good, people are more willing to work with you. Like whenever a beauty asks for a favour, she will certainly get help immediately. If she is an ugly girl, the guys wun even look at her. So, I tried vr vr vr hard to make myself look good. N having boyfriend means you are popular.

But its all wrong!!!! Only nw I realise… In terms of friendship, same thing happened. I was not able to handle it well until I finally broke down. I cried a lot. My friend advice me to pray to God. This is the first time I truly felt that I receive God’s grace. After a few months, I felt I was a brand new person, more cheerful and truly being myself.

This book says that God doesnt want us to start a relationship just bcz u wan a relationship, not bcz u wan to intimate with someone bt bcz u want to giv ur commitment. I realise I am wrong, I should not be so selfish to let myself indulge in the fake fantasy. Mayb at first when I start to hav a relationship, I do really serious abt it. Bt let say my relationship goes smoothly until the end of next year, what to do then? I may nt stay in Singapore. N I dun think I am ready to giv my commitment.

It says intimacy is the reward of commitment. Intimacy is not an act of love. Having close physical contact with somoone is just a selfish act. If u really love a person, u’ll respect the person and u’ll try ur best to guard his or her purity. God wishes us to be pure when we get married, we should be pure only to our life partner. Can u imagine a couple who are vr in love, have their first kiss during their wedding day? Can u imagine hw precious the kiss is? We should not allow our purity to be violate if we are really obedient to God.

God owes plans the best for us. We jz need to wait, need to be patience. Its good to be patience bcz it shows our obedience and God loves it. So I decide to wait for my future husband to appear in my life.

I had a relationship which does not last long bcz I want to obey God. Still, I dun think I made wrong decision to be with him. Only thru this relationship I learn a lot of things. And amazingly, last Sunday when I went to church, I felt like crying bcz I felt I was saved by God AGAIN. Thank u My Father Lord.

Hmm….. My story mz start fr ytd…

Ytd I gt floor gathering so I stayed at common room watching My Boyfriend is a Type B. M I right? I am nt vr sure abt the title bt anyway its a vr nice show, I like it. Then I talked to my beloved AHM - Miss Gan Ann!!!!! until 3am!!! Crazy I am, isn’t it??

Therefore today when I woke up I gt a severe sore throat and I gt no voice. At first wanna meet a friend at the swimming pool bt I think he’s training hence he din c me… I din c him oso cz I wasn’t wearing specs… Anw, I waited for 15 minutes then I set off for my ccc(Christian citizenship course).

It was nice. I was nearly late. The first conductor was vr nice. she let us play many games and at the end my grp scored 17 pts, nt bad la… We played a game called travelling game, discussed verbs used to describe 4 situation in life, learnt how to set our priority and thought of our mission statement and logo. Most importantly, at first I owes tot when u communicate with a person its important tt u pay attention but today, I realised tt the most important thing is to experience their sides.

Then v ate lunch b4 we started the afternoon session. We played a game as well bt tt one I din take part much cz this lazy lady knew nothing much abt BB. Haha… vr bad rite? The conductor I know her quite well n I like her. She is Sharon. She is quite close to ACJC primers. We talked a lot oso.. Tt’s fun.. It was good to watch "Gandhi" (actually nt e whole film bt only two small parts). He is fantastic man.. He read a lot abt Bible bt he’s nt christian. Can u believe tt a Hindu knows God’s word better than a priest? And he has stronger belief on God oso. He’s a vr courageous man, so I learnt be courageous when you know u can make a change. Isn’t tt great? I learnt a lot fr e course. N I was surprised cz I tot I would fall asleep bt I din, which means e course is vr interesting.

Feel gd to be with God.

This Wed my sch had interclass science quiz. I was one of the organizers. Its quite fun but vr busy. It was the time when I realized that the teacher-in-charge, who is oso a teacher that I like, is a perfectionist. She was quite stressed on that day, many things happened I guess. Feel ashame to say that I duno exacly what were the problems happened that day cz I think they should learn how to deal with it and I think I hav done my job, so i better dun care. A bit selfish rite? Den I will have another argument, why shld I suggest what to do? Cant they take this opportunity to train themselves so that they can handle in the future since they are experienced? You will not learn if people keep telling you what to do, you will be dependent on that. But if they dun tell, you oso hav no idea what to do. They shld guide but nt think on your behalf. Maybe I myself am not so perfectionist, what I really want is to train myself to think fast, so that I could handle things that happen vr sudden. That’s why I welcome unexpected things to happen. My teacher said at least shld minimise it. Quite true cz you can train yourself if you can always visualize what you want to do. By visualizing it, you’ll hav clearer idea and direction, therefore you’ll move on without much hesitation.

Life is more challenging. Bcz sometimes I jz cant handle them and get the outcome I want. What to do? You still hav to move on. Sometimes you juz need sacrifices.

Writing a blog supposed to express your feeling freely. But why I dun dare to tell my feelings fully? I hav to think before I write, what kind of blog it is?

Still, for me, who is vr vr vr stupid until my friend cheated me abt his birthday and I still duno until today. So I hav decided to say out my feelings. May not be all but sufficient for you to know abt me.

Jz read my friend’s blog. To me, ‘like’ is something vr basic for a relationship, can be friendship, relationship between a couple, relationships among family members etc. If you dun like each other, you will jz treat him as transparent one. Maybe for relationship between a couple, ‘like’ is somthing higher degree than the liking towards normal friends. That’s how it starts. Then, when time goes by, the feeling may grow to become love. It’s when you know the person too well, his strengths and weaknesses, and you juz get used to them. You wun look down at his weaknesses at all but you jz accept them like how he accepts urs. It’s like that between me and my father. I know his response on certain things and he knows mine as well. We all know each other well. He knows my weaknesses and vice-versa. Sometimes we do quarrel bcz of our weaknesses but most of the time we juz accept them. Bcz we understd each other. That’s what love is: I love my father.

Crush is something like u admire somebody bcz he has abilities that u wish ur future husband has them. But does it owes coincide with reality? Of cz you may get hurt, when you realize that he doesnt like u. I had a crush b4, I din expect him to lyk me, it’s quite understandable, to me. What he had made me feel disappointed was he din treat me as normal friend. So I consulted my best male friend abt guys’ reaction and I understood his situation and decided to let go. It’s quite easy for me to let go, made me realize that it jz bcz I was vr stubborn, not to let him go.

Sth happened to make my friend kind of disagrees with me. My another friend told me that it’s jz like you are addicted to drug and your councelor advises you to stub it out, you agree. Yet you are still addicted to drug, jz that u change the brand of the drug. U sure blur blur when u read this rite? K la, I gt bf alr. It happened jz a few days after I had consulted my best friend. Bet he gt bad impression of me.

I am nt a perfect gal. I do have the instinct to protect myself. I know I am someone that u can bully vr easily. But I still want to protect myself. I did think for a long time and finally reached a decision. I am quite serious in relationship; this is nt simple matter. I tot for a long time, jz to make sure a few things: Is he serious abt it? M I serious abt it? Can I reali trust him? I believe evr gal hopes to have long-term relationship tt’s y I have tot a lot. After talked to him, I had decided to give both of us a chance.

I am a crazy gal though. Shld go and c doctor maybe but who can reali cure me? So many things happen, since I come over here…….Crazy gal writes a blog with an essay length, haha…..