Yew….! You again, SAM!

Ahh… tmr m goin back le, hols goin to end..

I still haven finished my hmwork!!!!!

Sigh…

Anyway, Christmas’ coming..

Merry Christmas to my friends!!!

Ahahaha….. finally…. finally reach my turn…

Very tiring le, evrday gt to deal with Phy, then gotta fight with my bro n father for internet…. at the end, Im the loser….

Well, wanted to update long time ago… cz after Camp Temasek, I gt a lot of thoughts… wanted to share with u o… itz abt new discovery of myself..

Durin this camp, seriously vr fun, cz I din hav to run ard like the campers, jz slack in air-con rm, tt’s o. I helped out in AZ ball n telematch. The AZ ball thingy was super borin, u jz sit in the mph for nothing, record down the score, tt’s o. So I went to play other things with my ccamates, like golf, inline skatin, archery, rock-climbing, high confidence, obstacle course n paintball. Vr fun but one thing tt made me sad was i couldnt climb rockwall… i dunno y, others can do bt I cant..

N itz a vr nice place to know a lot of friens n kena disturbed. At first I was disturbed by a middle-age guy called Sammy, he’s Accomodation IC. My friens Xin Hui n Helen were under him. I dunno y he kept disturbin me but he’s a nice guy… I think he just wanted to know about AC Primers more.. Then the Joshua, csm of BB Barker oso kept disturbing me… Though his captain is oso my captain, I’ll not let him go… haha…. I think it was ok, we are friens la… This younger brother who is younger than me 2 yrs, u’ll wait till, wait till i complain to sir ron, haha….

Hmm… there was this thing happened. I said b4, I couldnt rock climb, so I was vr sad. I realise I am quite ego. Ya lor, I dun like to be the last, in the middle is still ok, so I asked Helen (I think she’s suitable) to encourage me. I wanted to share my feelings to her but I din realise I myself nvr thought of her feelings. She was quite sick alr, yet I blamed her for not letting to express my feelings (cz she din stop to let me express..). Then, I dunno la, I was asked by Sammy y I seemed to get angry of them (my ccamates) then I realised they told Sammy about me…

At first I tot they tot tt way cz I said one of the gals da pai. For I asked for their help for my telematch n my IC wanted to discuss it. At first we were supposed to discuss it at canteen but my friens were tired they said wanted it to be at office. So I asked her to come n she agreed, yet when we started our meetin they din want to sit with us in a circle.. Ok, let me express my feelings first, from young I have this belief to respect ppl esp elder than me 1. So when I requested for my IC to walk to our office I was thinking it was a bit rude.. Supposed to be me who walked there. But she din mind, tt was gd. Bt when she came, of cz we shld oso show tt v r willing to hav a discussion, even though u r tired.

So they tot I was angry with them. As Sammy wanted us to be vr close to each other, he wanted to understd more of me. I told him my past in sec sch n I was cryin. I told him a lot of things, he kept telling to treasure friendship, I do but I dunno la, mayb at sum areas I din do well… But I get to know myself better le.. Actually I felt a bit weird telling an uncle whom I know for 4 days so much, haha… like exposin myself too much le… But thank God for he cares for Ac Primers n helps me to know myself better.

So friends, I tell u wat I feel. Ok, maybe from young I am alr not open up myself, u c I dun even talk abt sch to my parents, evr pains or happiness I wun tell them, esp my pains. I think it is bcz last tm I told my father abt I was bullied by friens he laughed at me,so I dun dare anymore. For friens, I think I open myself a bit more than to my parents but as I was hurt once, I cant reali tell my friens wat I reali feel, cz I dunno if I can trust them. N sumtms I will walk alone, as if I alr get used to it. Before studyin in sg, I owes walked alone, now there are jess, hy, js…. I owes thank God for the friens I know in sg, it is the first tm I feel I m lucky, haha…. U can say I am not gettin away fr my past, I still rmb once a gal said to me, this gal was willing to be ur partner, it was vr lucky for u. From then I tot I am nt deserved if sum1 treats me well. Well, I dun deny when ppl treat me gd I will scare, for I m afraid it will not last long. So I owes tell myself dun rely on ppl too much n if ppl treat me well I mz return in double. Bcz I used to walk alone, I dun feel anything if I dun do things together with my friens. Sammy asked me to jz b together with my ccamates, dun like sumtms I m missing.. He said I need to improved..

Actually I think I oso dunno how to express love to ppl I love. I think it is jz family’s influence… n I think my personality is a bit indifference of things other than related to me.. I think I gt to improve in these areas…. I m a bit weird one la….

Tell u one thing, I din realise I dun look ugly, haha…. When I was in form 1, ppl said I m vr ugly, then I said to myself I muz look gd, I tried to make myself pretty but inside my heart, I still lack of confidence of my look. haha… Actually after the camp the word Sammy told me I realise actually I should have realise I m nt ugly for long tm ago… haha….

N e last thing, I have proven that I do look older than my age! haha…. I asked ppl to guess, they guess evrth older than 17 but not 17…. Die die… haha…

I want to say, I do treasure my friendships with my friends but mayb I dunno how to express tt I do. Plz forgive me if I was insensitive of ur feelings b4… haha… I reali do scared if u leave me alone. N when Sammy talked to me, he kept emphasizing  they still love me, Thank u for lovin me, I beg ur pardon if I sumhow made u feel bad… I sumhow realise maybe I have ignored many ppl who loved me b4… Im sorry for tt…