Crazinessss……
Am I crazy? I think I am! Lol, what am I doing in the second last day before my final day of EXAM? Wasting my time here man… Hehe, perhaps not.. I dunno.. Guess I can only gain back my sanity after my super difficult Business Law.. *sigh*
Think I haven’t touched on something that I frequently feel in uni here ever since I study here. You know sometimes you reach a point where you know there is a change in your life. You know you are gonna experience something different. You are excited about it, yet you are uncertain what your life is gonna to lead you to. You move on and reach another phase of your life. You experience and, at the same time, try to adapt yourself in a new environment.
But this word, "loneliness", has never failed to come across in our lives.
Especially after you have had great friends with you all the time before the change.
I remember myself complaining a lot when I first came. No lift! No bedsheet, no pillow! No fridge! No broom, no mop! Nothing! Argh, so different from my previous hostels! It was then I realised how well my previous hostels’ people have taken care of me. And it was then I knew I need to appreciate them more. Not that I never appreciate them, but I need to do more. 
I didn’t join any freshmen orientation camp (FOC). It was kinda bad huh? Perhaps lar, but I was very arragont in the sense that I believed I can manage to know people via some other ways. So I went to visit some of my friends and people whom I saw the need catching up with.
Well, I did know some of the people here myself. As in I tried to know many people, mainly Malaysians, through my friends who I know have joined FOC. I was a bit thick-skinned when I took the initiative to know new people. I thought I needed to know many many people. Think my eagerness has got some of the people thinking I was a senior instead of freshie, lol! XP I must add, it is definitely not because I look old! Hahax
Yet, as I was walking back my room on my own many times, eating in canteen or my room alone many times, I thought, it was so great, so fun last time in hostel. I was pampered, unknowingly, by the people there. My exroommies, juniors and friends. All the time when we were together chatting, laughing, sharing, teasing, gossipping, eating, playing, studying…… etc etc filled in my mind. I was like blaming myself, you lar, so stupid! why on earth choose NTU! see lar, get all the trouble yourself! Complaining, complaining, complaining… Lol… Luckily there was God whom I can rely on, if not I can hardly find the strength to smile even.
As a girl, (I am not saying this applies to all..), I then thought if there is someone who can always be there when I need someone to rely on here, it can be very very nice..! (Sounds so despo.. HEY, I am NOT!! Lol…) Well, I just express what I thought frankly lar, lol.. Sometimes even though there is God whom you can rely on all the time (and indeed when you really rely on Him, you can find rest!), some part in you might nudge you and make you think of the possibility. Well, of course it is not easy to find that "someone", Lord will definitely provide one, just that you don’t know when this "someone" appears. But one bad thing about thinking the possibility of meeting the "someone" is you start to guess who is that "someone". Is this cute guy the one? Or this athletic guy the one? I like to be with him, hopefully he is the one.. So many thoughts going on in your mind…..BAD!!!! At the end what to do? Find rest in God! ;)
However, one good thing could be you get to know more about your taste, haha.. For example, I like him when he is like this but I don’t like him when he is like that. Hahaha… But the interesting part of life is you might end up with someone whom you complain a lot! It hasn’t happened to me but it could be, as a retribution of me being so demanding, lol! ;D
I don’t know what is going to happen to me. Perhaps that "someone" is gonna to take very long time to appear (God is determined in testing my patience.. hehe). I once dreamt to get married early and one of my friends was like so sure that I’ll be the first one among us to tie the knot with the one I love (who might be the second I love the most after God!). Laugh out loud! I wonder how did she has the conviction to think so when I am still single now. Yet, what she said was comforting too! At least I am not the kind which no guys would like. Haha!
Praise the Lord, although my special someone has not appeared, at least now there are people whom I can eat meals together with. Though most of the time I gotta sacrifice some of my free SMSs just to get some friends to eat with me, it is worth to do so, who ask me to be a social person. No one talks to me I can die one, hahaha…. I remember reading this from my dear junior’s blog, the special someone is the one whom I choose to love. But how do I know I am really ready to love? Haha, guess when I am convinced that I ‘choose’ to love someone, he will be my future husband already. Commitment.. you know… haha XP
Wellz… spending quite some time on this girl stuff.. time to go back to my studies! Seriously I have no confidence in doing my Business Law paper.. So many things! and I don’t know how to apply! *sigh* *cross my fingers* Lord, please help me!!!!
