Yew….! You again, SAM!

Hey! This is another post after soo long.. Hee..

There have been many things happened to me. Mainly these things affect me emotionally. It was so hard to face it but with God’s grace, I am still sane today.

There are many many temptations. I have been thinking have I not been so firm on my principles, what would happen to me today. I have been tempted to feel regret of doing things that I should do for God. I don’t deny until now I still feel the temptations, especially when my memories flooding into my mind.

Somehow it is not so easy to tell ppl of my struggle. Perhaps I am shy to tell. Or perhaps I just want to protect my heart, can’t really afford to let it be hurt very hard again. However, for certain things, it’s like if u never fall/fail, u will never succeed. Still, I am very protective of my feelings. I don’t want to show the most inner, the most true emotions. Sometimes it is not holy. Sometimes it is not consistent to my principles, values and persanality.

But if I don’t tell, no one would know. Only God knows.

i was complaining, "Lord, this is too hard. This is just too hard for me to accept. Are you testing me? Why does it have to be so hard?… Please lead me Lord.. I feel miserable, please lead me Lord.."

Then I read a book talking abt the pursuit of holiness. Sometimes, we just have to have faith. Since Lord is holy, he knows what is correct, what is wrong. We just need to work hard to be like Him, other things are secondary. The path that I am walking on is correct as long as I am obedient to Him. Anything we go through, He knows.

2 Cor 6:14 Do not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

I have to obey.

Finally I have the desire to post an entry. Lol..

Well, I have been emo and high, high and emo for sometimes. Perhaps now my yin and yang are not balanced, resulting in having two extreme emotions.

The reason for it I don’t know. But I can only accept it. I have been frustrated as why I should feel emo due to certain things. As if this is a very big thing in my life. Perhaps it is something that I have not achieved and be satisfied about. It seems to be always the same problem and sometimes other things add on to it, making me feel burdened.

I can’t get rid of it.

Everytime when I am overwhelmed by it I pray to God. Though I obtain the temporary peacefulness, it has never been away from my life. I am getting impatient. I am getting frustrated. What can I do?

Luckily, I can still smile. Luckily, it doesn’t affect my routine too much. But it affects my feelings. I wish I can control my feelings.

Is this another trial that God wants me to go through? If yes, I would rather He just takes my life and let me join Him in heaven. Cause it is really hard to manage my feelings. I have no control over it.

And I feel low confident. Aiks, this is no good at all.

Is there a bigger surprises waiting for me? Hopefully there is..

But one surprise has happened. One of my sec school senior is studying in NTU! Hmm, though we were not close, hope he can fit into uni life here. Actually, if it is not him, I would not realise what an interesting malaysian community it is in NTU. Everybody is so unique and interesting. Suddenly I feel that I like them a lot! Haha…